Temper

Last Monday was hell for me. I was tired and pissed off and I lost my temper at the wrong time.

I have realized that inherently I might be a good person but when I am angry, my temper is hellfire.

Had a bad start for the day because there was no food on the table and everybody was already watching the television, tired of looking for money for taxes and for the checks, and had to sign a lot of documents. I was tired when I went home.

I still had another appointment at 7:30 in the evening but I decided to go home first since we have visitors in our house.

The evening was going fine when suddenly topic was diverted to work worst the kid that I was already pissed off with commented with bravado and that was it. I lost my cool.

Thinking nothing of it because I was not angry with anyone but just pissed I asked permission to proceed to my appointment. I was walking to look for a trisikad when I was shocked because of a barrage of a  number of  hurtful text messages. It was too late when I realized that I did uttered a lot of hurtful things. Worst, I was patient for a few minutes but when the insulting text did not stop I lost my temper again. 

The rest is a nightmare. 

I started it. It was my fault. I could have done better by holding my tongue despite of the insults so that the problem will not be compounded.

I am tired of my temper. I am tired. But how do you change an attitude that has been with you since you were a child.

Help me Allah.